God answered my prayers...he could do miracles...he could turn impossible things to possible...how great is He?? at first i couldn't stand here in Kuching but after i pray everyday so that God will help me in my life and He finally answered my prayers...and now everything feels like it's back to normal...if you believe and have faith in Him, he will answer your prayer...even though sometimes i feel a bit left out but i noe He will always be there with me and i can talk to Him...always and forever...today, school re-open and teachers is really killing us now by giving us so many test...February is going to end soon and PMR is getting and that makes my trip to England nearer too...haha i'm planing to go there end of this year to see my sisters alone muahahaha..so my mom say most probably i could go do well this year so have to work hard...haha but it's like a 50 % 50 % ...my mom say okay my dad is still a question mark...well have to work hard for my first term so i could at least ask my dad because when my mom kind of told him he thinks it was a joke but so need to make serious...wish me luck???? Pray that God will help me but i have to help myself first...Thank god everything is fine now...!!!

i thought friends are suppose to be there for us all the time and not just when we need them or when something bad happens or they need help then they come to you...if you say you're my good friend you would sms me or call me or email me or chat with me time to time to know how am I and all and not just say that you are my good friend and you don't do it..and why isit that if we are good friends and it's always me who say how are you???and bla bla bla then u start asking me too...why isit never u??? show it to me that you really meant what u say(that we're good friends)!!but all this time if i recall i've been the one that starts the convo...friends,is no use saying that you are my good friend if you don't show it because you will never noe what is going in my life whether i'm sick or devastated or happy or got kidnapped or something..well if i'm kidnapped i can't talk to you so at least u noe something happen to me..hmmm...so why don't you try to start the next time or even now!!!

tears in my eye will go away...i practically cry everyday now...in my room sitting in a corner or lieing on my bed...it just can't stop u know...i don't know how i feel...i just know that i can't do this alone any longer...i just want everything to be back to normal u know...u know, now if i'm alone in my room or in the car with my parents sitting alone behind...you'll see tears rolling down my cheek...i just can't stand being alone everywhere i go...to my room to the kitchen every site i go it is just me myself and I...i can't stand...no one knows how i feel right now...even i am shading tears right now while i'm writing this...but i believe God will help me get through this...He will...and i will try to stay strong...i need my sisters and brother ...any of them will do...how am i going to concentrate on my studies if this happens to me again and again...i just can't cope with it...i just wish sometimes my parents know i feel and try to change things u know so they can help me for not feeling like how i feel now!!!i really wish someone would just tell them it is best if i go study with che che or ko ko now cause i'm to lonely at home and i can't concentrate and they would try to listen to it and think about it...even though i am young... i just need my siblings to be with me...i know i got my parents but it is different u know..so i really wish God will send someone to tell them u know...i can't do this anymore...u know so many times i feel like i want to commit suicide but i remember it is sin so i can't i just want this to be over u know but it wouldn't be until 3 more years...i believe Lord will help me get through this and will do something to help me...i can't leave alone...it is just to hard...my close friends is also leaving ...bernard is leaving tonite..oh he left oledi to russia...and others which haven't leave yet..soon...everyone is leaving...i can't survive alone...i need my sisters and bro....please mummy and daddy send me to study with them...i can't do this alone... i need them...pls!!!i dunno what else to say but just hope and believe in God that he will do miracle things to help me...i know God is always here with me which i can tok to and not be alone but it's different...that uis not what i meant of bieng alone...God is always with me but i just need them...if you know wat i mean...pray for me...mummy and daddy think about it...why not right!!!:(*infinity

well yesterday was fun...eric came to pick me up at 6.45 am...wow!!! that's early...haha we went to uncle boon hoe house to meet the others...aunty cooked breakfast for us...didn't eat though..too early to eat...haha well overall i think we went 17 houses haha not sure i didn't count just heard about the schedule thing...my house was the last haha...17 houses:elaine,joanna,uncle ivor,julian,maryann,bernard,uncle jeffrey and more to go....i took alot of pictures...well exagerating actually hehe cause my cam died out on me during the visiting...haha...well it was fun...every house i changed car to go another house...muahaha..but there wasn't that many car in the end too so i used chok's car most of the time...ohh today...wake up quite early to meet JJ at the supermarket to give him his camera...opps forgot to give him back yesterday...hehe..anyways...now i'm freaking bored...there's like nothing to do at all...seriously it's so boring....need to find something to do...haha..well let see what to do!!!

happy chinese new year!!!it's me again...well at first, it was so boring!!! my parents just practically slept the whole morning!!!until my uncle wanted to come and visit us then they woke up so it's like the whole morning was wasted but at least i went church...haha well so i had to cut the cakes prepare everything and i need to prepare the drinks and all...my father open a bottler of wine and didn't even leave a single drop for me...sob sob!!wells...so after they left we went back to our rooms and do nothing again and i was quite frustrated because i wanted to go my granny's house so yea!!so i shouted and say "Kia lo" and that kind of work....we went my uncle's house who came back from saudi arabia....cool har...haha.and went to my another granny's house and after that we went back home to get my mom's keys for the office...when my mom walked up the stairs he smelled something burning so she ask my maid whether she did cooked anything but she kept saying no but the smell was quite strong so my mom oso satu hal lah she didn't go and open the door and check so she just locked up everything and came to the car....but then the maid shouted for my mom because she remembered that she cooked something so when my mom open the door...she went to the kitchen and saw the whole pot turned black and the clothes that she cook to clean it was totally burned,"hangus"...wow...luckily the fire was small... Thank God!!! praise the Lord that he showed the way to come back and get the key and convinced us or i think the whole house might be burned down by now and i wouldn't be writing this down...haha..Jesus can do many things to save us if we just believe him and follow the light!!! so we went to my granny house and after that went to uncle Richard house and he is staying with his sister because his house got caught by the fire so yea...and went to eat dinner with two uncles and my granny...we went holiday inn and that time i was already lazy and bored to even wait for the food...but of course i still waited...there were so many people and my father ordered sat meal so it consist of 8 or 9 dishes...WOW!!!...we "ta pau" a lot haha but during the dinner, guess what happen??? You can't believe what i'm gonna say...Zhang Dong Liang = Nicholas Teo , actor from pasta in taiwan was eating dinner at the same restaurant as me which is at holiday inn...My God!!! i can't even believe my own eyes when i saw him...so of course i went up to him and say hello and we shake our hands and he said happy chinese new year...hehe and i ask him to take a picture with me and he was kindly to take one...wow!! and after that my mood and my day turn upside down...i became so excited and all...haha....look up there!!! the picture, nice???? why i don't look that nice in that picture, my eye is totally close ...i guess i wasn't that prepared...haha...okay i sound quite crazy about him ,don't i???haha i'm not crazy bout him... it's just in kuching you never get the chance to meet any rock star so this is a coincidence that i met him so of course i will go high haha ... in one in a million of rock star you only see one in kuching ir maybe not by chance...so he is okay, it's just that hmmm...man i'm lucky...muahaha...i know it's not a big deal for some people but for me it is unless i meet another rock star u know!!!Jealous???haha jkjk... i guess that brighten up my day haha let see what will happen tommorow..haha maybe i will meet mcdreamy har!!! haha in my dreams...like that will so happen...ohh i can't wait for the next episod and fine out wat will happen to meredith...derek cried and i actually cried but i always cry in sad and touching movies haha that's me haha info: i did cry a bit in some parts of the series in smile pasta...haha so notice: must watch greys anatomy...ooo i can't wait till the next epi..the best part it just hanged there and make me wait for a week but it is worth while waiting i tell you...muahaha...well that's all for now we will see what will happen tomorrow...haha...MCDREAMY!!!

why isit so hard to live in this world??i'm never good enough for you...why don't you understand that i'm are just human...human beings are not perfect...why am i not good enough for you???i'll never will be,will i!!that is still a question mark!?!?

every year ,every chinese new year, my dad always sell a lot of "lokam" and this year it just finish in a snap...i know my dad told me he sell a lot oledi and he said only 9000 boxes left...man that's a lot..well but not to him...i happy that he believe that God will help him finish selling all of this "lokam" by cny...well God answered his prayer...last year was a disaster because it was oledi almost cny and there were 4 more containers in the port filled with "lokam" and my dad just can't take it from them yet because i dunno some techinical stuff...not really sure...so i'm glad that this year the sells is excellente'...Every year there will always be the same problem happening...and now it's happening....but everytime this happens i believe in my heart that God will make everthing right...so i just heard from dad that the person that owes everyone money is going to come to my house...it is a good thing cause he is goin to pay my dad now....and i was so relieve when i heard that...when my dad is angry , he will be angry with everyone and will "choi su" with everyone so practically we talk to him that time ...and his not even happy when we were eating dinner...well i understand , who wouldn't be upset and angry if someone owes u a few thousand so yea during dinner the phone rang surprisingly it was that ass---- guy so and he said what wat my dad wanted to hear...and that minute the speed of my heart beat just slow down...remember God will answer our prayer if we just believe in him in our heart...if you JUST BELIEVE!!!

words not told to anyone except yourself and God...words that are hard to share will always be in our heart and slowly we suffer it alone...it's too hard to be alone...as now i am alone at home...living by myself with my parents...they just don't get it...they always don't...i have to suffer this for 3 more years..HOW CAN I SURVIVE THIS???it's just to difficult...where's everyone!!! since jerry is gone, my mum just target on me...it's so annoying...i can't do anything that actually please her...she may do some stuff that i want , well that is a good thing right?? but what i want is her to understand me...well not only that she just can't stop nagging..well that is what parents suppose to do but HELLO give me a break, man!!! u expect me to stay with my books 24/7 meh?? everything i do is just wrong to her except studying..obviously!!! i am in form 3...i don't mind her her lecturing me but don't u think that i wouldn't go siaw if she continue doing that!!! I just can't stand it...every minute if she see me not studying she start saying me again...Hello!!! just right after i ate just now and I lie down for a while and unfortunately she came into my room and start lecturing me again that i don't study and all...that point... she may be right sometimes but not all the time...now is only 4.03 and i think she nag me for about 3 times i think or 4 maybe 5 haha don't bother counting cause it's gonna be a lot..this year is goning to be a really hard year for me to cope...no one backing me up when i am in trouble..no one to talk too...man,i need someone here to be with me at home...anyone!!! shermaine, bee, jerry, any of them!!! or even i can go study with them... like that will ever happen!!! well at least I have God by my side right but still...u know what i mean...i guess my wish for this year is to be have anyone back home or i study with them at overseas!!Let God answer my prayer...suffering alone is the hardest thing u can ever do...letting it out is the best thing...